God never promised life would be easy

I am so very frustrated tonight.
I am trying to put down all this anger
Sadness, disappointment and more sadness
At Christ's feet.
This too is hard.
Mema can no longer live in assisted living.
She has another UTI,
Is too weak to walk, even with a walker,
And actually fell Sunday and has a small break
In her pelvis and back.
She sleeps most of the time.

Last Wednesday I broke my foot.
Broke it good.
Had surgery to put a plate in.
Not supposed to put
any pressure on it until I see the doc on Monday,
If then.
Mom has been taking care of Mema and me
Nearly by herself. Hil stayed with me two nights.
Dad has packed the apartment at woodridge
Completely on his own.
Mema will move into a nursing home tomorrow.
It's a good one, but it still is a nursing home.
If I hadn't broken my foot,
Mema would be moving here.
That was not God's plan, apparently.
Mom seems to have come down with a cold,
After being so tired from care taking,
Practically living in hospitals
And the stress if seeing her mom slip further
Who wouldn't get sick?
I am praying it is only a cold.
If it is worse, I will try to get to the nursing home
Tomorrow, somehow.
Mom will fight me on this, but I cannot let her
Get more sick, as she is 73, has type 1 diabetes,
Which is way out if whack as it is.....
with everything she had been doing, and her heart is bad.
But I cannot even begin to imagine Mema
Going into a nursing home alone,
No one and nothing familiar,
Or to explain what is happening and why.
Hil can drive me over when she has a break from work,
Or a friend will take me.
I have a roll about scooter
So I can stay off my foot.

Just don't know.
Just don't understand why when I ask for help
It doesn't come.
There is a lesson here somewhere.

I'm not lying when I say it is very difficult
To see Mema struggling with everything,
I struggle to not cry.
She wouldn't understand,
or it would upset her fragile mind even more.
My stories and takes and experiences with Mema,
I feel so blessed to have,
But it is very hard.

My husband, daughters, parents, sister
and friends lift me up.
I am so thankful for them.
I  ranting now,
praying it is not as bleak as it seems now.
Hospice is saying 1-3 months based on how
Mema is progressing,
Or not progressing

It is going to be what it is going to be
And God is in charge.
Others can only do what they can do
And I have no control.

Breathe.
Sleep.
Remember why this is important
And I need to be ready.
Breathe.
Blessed