Grabbing at Bits and Pieces

As Mema goes from a really good day
to having a really bad day,
I seem to be trying to gather as many memories and stories as I can.
I definitely am thinking of funny stories she has told to share with her
on her not so good days.
I can only agree with her that this sucks so much!

I am asking any family members to email me @ kristyball@sbcglobal.net
any picture, stories and memories that you have of Grandma.
I am trying to figure out how to get photos onto a dvd for you all,
as well as post as many as I have over the next few days.

(I want to apologise if there are any repeated stories in this blog.
Memory loss must run in the family.
And I figured, that I have had to hear all these stories over and over again
from Mema, so you may as well too!)

These are a few memories I have to share today.
Random, as they come to me.

One day, when I was taking Mema to School,
she was having a hard day.
She always was a happy lady,
and never let anyone else know she was down.
It is her motto to always have a smile, no matter what.
She told me that this life was getting old.
She was feeling old, and just wished she would go to sleep and not wake up again.
She has had a good life so there isn't anything else she needs to hang around for.
(This was two years ago!)
I asked her what I should tell folks about her after she passed.
She thought a moment and answered:
"Tell them...There she goes!  She had a great time while she was here!"
Then she giggled at how that sounded,"but that's what I want you to say!"
She seemed in a  much better mood at that, as she went in to school.


When I was a preteen, I remember staying with Grandma and Grandpa during the holiday.
My sister and I made pallets on the familyroom floor
in front of the roomsized brick fireplace.
The television was on the brick ledge to the right.
It was very late, and I was watching the original Helen Keller.
The one with Patty Duke.
One of the reason's I remember this, I'm sure, is that I was entering puberty,
and my beginning breasts hurt like crazy laying on that hard floor. 
I just couldn't get comfortable.
I remember Grandma coming in,
it must have been two in the morning,
bringing all the pillows from her bed,
fluffing them up under me,
and rearranging them until I was comfortable.
I don't know how she slept, but I was on a cloud.
Grandma....my miracle worker!

 

 

As we begin the holiday season,
one cookie we always MUST make is Mary's Sugar Cookies.
Grandma's dad showed her how to make these,
and she ALWAYS had a batch in the chest freezer in the laundry room,
frosted and waiting for  little grandchildren hands
to sneak in and grab a frozen bit of heaven!
I remember when she taught me to make them.
Grandpa had made a wooden ruler to measure exactly 1/4"
The exact thickness the cookies were to be rolled out to,
for the perfect cookie.
And in the frosting, she always added a bit of left over coffee
from that morning as flavoring.
When I make them today, it is not right until I have tasted the frosting
and had a flash of childhood.

Grandma always had some kind of cookie ready in the freezer.
When she lived in her last house in Strasberg,
most of her nieces and nephews would come by Aunt Dot's on Saturday mornings.
She would have coffee made, and a plate of cookies.
When the cookies were gone, the relatives would go home.
There was no refilling of the plate.
If she wanted company, the plate would be over flowing.
If she had things to do, everyone may get only one cookie.
I wish I had been there on those Saturday mornings.
Oh, when we visited from Pittsburgh, or Texas,
everyone gathered, but I don't believe it was the same
as the routine 7am time around the table.


Grandma was a hard worker all her life.
She likes to say she has big strong hands.
Not dainty little things.
I take after her.
It was funny watching us try to replace a tiny screw in her glasses one day,
both of us with our big fingers.
She had her nails painted yesterday.
Since she has been forgetting things,
her hands are always moving.
Mostly by flicking the buttons on her shirt.
Needless to say, her nails are usually chipped.
But, when I saw her bright red nails yesterday!
She seemed very proud of them.
I told her she was a hot mama ready for the town!
She smiled at that.
I don't know if this lady has ever been a hot mama painting the town red.

The rest of that day was pretty bad.
She had a hard time talking,
and most of the time she just stared out into the room.
She didn't want to eat anything.
When I spoke to her, it took a minute for her to focus on me.
It shook me up a little.

The next day when I went to visit,
it was like Mema was back!
She was laughing and joking and her eyes were bright!
We sat at a table in the dining room
and drank coffee.
At one point she looked at her hands and said
"Don't they look tiny?"
What do you mean by tiny Grandma?
"They look very petite.  My hands look very small and pretty!
Well, lady, you will never go a day without red nail polish on!

A Gift?

I went to check on Mema tonight.
Mom had spent most of the day with her.
She said Mema was not doing well.
We have been trying to decide if Mema is well enough
to come to Christmas Eve dinner, and/or Christmas morning.
Mom thinks not.
I am torn because I so badly want her here...
to be here, with family at the holiday.
But I am fearful that she will not be "here" and what that will mean.

I took a few Mary's sugar cookies that V made, as well as some fudge.

When I got to Woodridge, the nurse said that she ate some soup for dinner
and seemed like she was feeling better.
When I unlocked Mema's door, she was laying on her bed,
clothes still on, but shoes off.
She had her glasses on.
She woke up when I came in.
"Well, hello honey!"
She struggled to sit up, and I propped some pillows behind her.
She only had one hearing aid in, so I found the other on her dresser,
and helped her put it on.
I told her that Ronni had made some cookies, and she wanted to try one.
She figured she should sit up.
I gave her a bright green christmas tree
and she said it tasted just like the ones she used to make.
I told her it was Christmas Eve tomorrow and was checking on her
to see if she wanted to come for dinner.
"I would like to.  I can't believe it's already Christmas Eve."

I told her a memory I had of when we were little kids, on Christmas Eve.
She had to work late, so all us kids were kneeling on the couch
waiting for her to come home.
It was so dark and it was snowing harder than any of us could remember.
We couldn't have Christmas until Grandma got home!
We waited and waited what seemed like hours.
You would have thought we were waiting on Santa himself!
Soon, we saw her car driving up the road.
We knew it was her car because it was so very late,
and we hadn't seen any cars for a long while.
We all jumped around and were so very happy!
After she got her coat off and hung up,
gathered all the family in the family room,
and received all the hugs from all of her grandchildren,
we had Christmas!

Mema, smiled and said that she remembered that night.
That she did have to work late.
She was always volunteering so others could go home to be with their families.
How I love that lady!

All of the sudden it was like someone had switched off a light.
Mema said she didn't know where she was.
It seemed like she was supposed to be somewhere else, but didn't remember where.
Her eyes looked blank and foggy.
She finished her cookie and bit of sprite,
but was sitting on the edge of her bed, staring into the mirror.
"I don't know where I am."
I told her that she was in her apartment and that she was safe.
"How long have I been here?"
My answers varied each time she asked.
A few months,
right after dinner you came in and took a nap,
it's ok to be confused, you are safe.

I got her into her pajamas,
she spit out her teeth, and I couldn't find her tooth case,
so I put efferdent into a coffee cup.
We took her hearing aids out and her glasses off.
She had difficulty standing when I pulled her sheets down, but snuggled in after.
"Maybe after I sleep, I'll remember where I am.
I just don't remember where I was before."

I told her goodnight and that I loved her.
"I love you too honey.  Don't you worry about me, I'll be better after I sleep."

After I left, I ran into a nurse.
I hugged her and started crying.
She told me not to worry, that they were taking very good care of my grandma.
The only thing I could do was to give her a thumbs up!
I couldn't speak.
I had a huge lump in my throat.
I waved and left.
I cried in the car all the way home.
I had a cappucinno martini.
Now I am going to put the Christmas ham into the oven.
A few more gifts to wrap.

Thank you God for giving me a few minutes with Grandma.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring,
but it is all in Your hands!
Your wonderful, loving hands!

BitterSweet

I woke up late this morning.
Was going to try to make early church, but decided to sleep an extra hour.
It felt good.
The weather has been so very unpredictable as of late.

My weather app on the iPhone...
(how silly that sounds!  kind of like saying I played the 8 track tape)

anyway, the weather was 40-70% chance of rain and a high of 39 degrees.
I was greeting and handing out bulletins at church today,
so I snuggled into my heavy, fleecy coat, scarf and gloves.

As folks were coming out of church they greeted and hugged me,
as I was greeting and hugging folks coming into church.
"OOOOOO your cheeks are so cold!"
"OOOOOO your cheeks are so warm!" was my reply.

It was a wonderful service, full of great worship, lovely Christmas decorations,
and an energetic sermon:
What do you do if it seems like God doesn't hear your prayers?
I was thinking to myself, how very much I seemed to have missed Pastor Sam
and his energy, even though I saw him last Sunday.
Lots of people hurting and needing miracles this time of year.

As I was driving over to see Mema, my mom called and told me that
the nurse had called her this morning, and said that Mema had the stomach flu.
She was very embarrassed and confused.
I talked to the nurse when I got there at lunch time and she filled me in.
They are running some urinary infection tests
because that sometimes causes some confusion.
I took some soup and crackers to her room,
knocked and waited for her to answer.

She eventually opened the door and smiled when she saw me.
Then she turned around and just flopped onto the bed.
Shoes on, pants askew, no glasses.
Not even near the pillows.

I helped her off with her shoes and pants,
adjusting the depends, that she began wearing today,
fluffed her pillows and threw an afghan over her tiny little body.
She smiled at me again.
"I just don't know what I did, that I'm so confused now."
I told her that her tummy had been rumbling for a few days,
and that the nurses were in her room helping her early this morning.
She was just so tired.

She rolled over onto her side, and shut her eyes.
I climbed in right beside her and she patted my hand and told me she loved me.
(Yup, I'm tearing up again, just like I did then.)

I kept my hand on her arm, and my head close to hers, until she fell asleep.
I kicked off my own shoes, and found her Bible by the bedside.
As my sweet Grandma slept, I read her Bible that was on the desk beside the bed.
As I leafed through the Bible, given to her on Mother's Day 1978,
I cherished every page I turned.

My Grandma had always cut out "important to her" items out of magazines,
the Daily Bread, prayers she has written down, etc.
In her Bible these mementos were taped
in every possible space of every empty page.
The tape was deep yellow and very brittle.
I could read every piece she had saved.

Most items seemed to be about getting old.
About the young self being in the old "house".
Prayers for forgiveness, for failing God in some way during the day,
and to let her walk for Him the next day.
Scripture passages under topics of forgiveness, strength, living, etc.
Someday soon, I'll write these out, and include them.

Every once in a while, her breathing would change,
and she would look over at me.
I would tell her it was ok, that I was here.
One time I touched her cheek, and she touched my hand.
One time I patted her hand and she rubbed mine with her thumb.
Then she would roll over and go back to sleep.

It was the most beautiful time I can ever think of spending with my Grandma.
What a sweet, wonderful woman.
She is always kind, even when she is confused or angry.
She worries about taking up my time with sitting with her,
when there is absolutely no place on Earth I would rather be!

She knows her memory is slipping quickly and this scares her.
I can see the fear and confusion as she sits looking into the mirror
wondering if there is something she is supposed to do,
or worrying if the door is locked because there is a "freak"
that walks around turning door knobs and doesn't talk or smile.

After a while, we put on her pants and shoes
and took a walk to the lobby and back.
She was tired, so she sat on her bed again.

I left her after four hours, with some sprite and some jelly toast on her bedside table.
I don't believe she went to dinner
as she hasn't eaten much of anything for three days.
The nurse went to check on her after I left.
I trust them and see how sweet they are to her.
What a loving staff.
I kissed Grandma goodbye at least five times.
I just didn't want to go.
I am so very blessed to have had this woman in my life,
my whole life.
I feel sorry for my relatives, that do not have the opportunity
to love on her as I am doing.
It breaks my heart that they haven't seen her in a few years
and do not even know what she is going through.

She is childlike.
She is my history.
She is fading.

Thank you God for allowing me to see her heading down the road to meet you.
I pray that she goes peacefully when He takes her.
I am ready to say good bye, and will miss her so very much.
She is my back bone.
I see so much of myself in her.
But I am ready because she is ready.

The above pics were taken two years ago on her birthday.
It is dramatic how much changes in just 730 days.

Gaps in time.

I was doing some Christmas ornament shopping,
and decided to stop by Mema's with a pint of Rocky Road.
She opened the door with a huge smile that evening.
We replaced the fall wreath, with a snowman stocking I bought.
We had such a nice visit, eating ice cream and reminiscing about
her growing up, young married life, and dancing with Grandpa.
She remarked, more than once, (LOL)
that if people would only take time to remember the good stuff,
they would be so much happier.
After  two hours, I headed home.
As I was leaving, Mema noticed the stocking on her door,
and exclaimed how pretty it was, looking at front and back.
She stood in her doorway, watching me go down the hall,
telling me to be careful out there, and how much she enjoyed our visit.

The next evening I got a call from her about 6:30.
She said she didn't know where she was, and couldn't figure out what happened.
I asked if she wanted me to come, and she thought I better.
When I got to here room, as she had called me from there,
she was so glad to see me.
She was so confused, and said she was scared
and that she couldn't remember anything.
She remembered eating dinner, then nothing.
She was asking where something was, and I finally figured out
she wanted to know where her dinner dishes were.
We walked down the hall, to see if she remembered anything,
got to the dining room, and she was looking under the table for dishes.
We went into the kitchen and asked if Mema had come to dinner.
They said yes, she had chicken broccoli tortellini, but hadn't eaten much.
A nurse came who had taken her to her room after dinner
and said that she had been confused.
We walked back to her room, and she kept saying that she couldn't believe
why she was so confused and so quickly.
She calmed down a bit, we got her jammies on,
got a snack from the nurse and settled in.
I left and told her I'd check on her the next day.

The next morning when I stopped by,
Mema was in the lobby with a cup of coffee and in a foul mood.
Now foul mood for Mema, means, she wasn't talking to anyone
or complaining that she was doing awful, her eyes were blurry
and she was grumpy.
I took her to her room and visited a bit.
She said she hadn't slept well, and all she was really talking about
was wishing she would just go to sleep and not wake up again.
I noticed that her lamp was missing the switch,
and she had dropped her blush and needed more.
When I was in the bathroom, I noticed a tissue in the garbage
that was full of red marks. 
I looked all over Mema for cuts or scratches, but could find none.
Since I was getting her blush I also found that she needed lipstick.
I noticed this because the tube looked funny.
As it turns out, Mema has forgotten
that you can twist the tube to make the lipstick rise up.
She has been digging into the tube with her finger and putting on her lipstick that way.
Mystery of the red marks on the tissue!
You just have to laugh!

I told her I was going to the store and to the gym, that I would be back.
She wanted to stay in her room.
I made a pot of coffee and left.
When I got back two hours later, she was bright and chipper!
She had taken a nap "the whole afternoon" and felt much better.
I took her down to dinner and left her for the night.

Last night she called me and told me that she was lost and confused.
It was dinner time so I told her to go out of her room and walk down the hall
to have dinner and that she would feel better.
She said ok and hung up.
I called the desk and asked them to make sure she got down there.
Jen is so nice and loving!
I heard later from Mom that Mema had called her from the desk
thinking that her family didn't know where she was, and was very upset.

It is becoming a struggle knowing when to visit, when I can help bring her peace,
and when I should leave her alone.
I can't imagine that  not seeing family when she is confused is the best for her
when I am able to go anytime.
I really enjoy spending time with her even when she is confused.
She is always sweet to everyone and they all love her there.

I am not upset.
Mema is almost 90 and has had a great life.
This is just the circle we are in now.
I feel badly for other family members who did not or do not take the opportunity
to be with her now, although Mema would not remember a visit.
She does remember the emotions, the smiles and the loving feelings,
even if she doesn't remember the conversation.

What a lady!
I am blessed to be her with her at the ending of her life,
no matter how long that may be!

Ruby Toot Toot

Mema has a friend at Woodridge.
Everyone loves Mema and says that she is so sweet,
is always smiling and always ready to help.
But Ruby Toot Toot is special.

Ruby is 95 years old.
She lives down the hall from Mema and looks out for her.
A favorite story she has, is when Mema lived upstairs.
Ruby lives on the first floor.
She keeps her door open all the time.
Her room is painted bright sunshine yellow.
One day she noticed Mema passing her door walking down the hall.
She looked out the door and yelled out
"Where are you going?"
Mema answered...."I'm trying to go home!"
"Well, you live upstairs.  Come on, I'll take you."
This happened many times.
Elevators confused Mema.
Someone was always helping her upstairs to her room.

Mema now lives downstairs in the same hall as Ruby.

These two are always together.
Ruby has not lost a step.
In fact, you have to watch yourself around this pistol of a woman.
One time I was listening to a singer with the residents.
I was standing behind the couch where Mema and Ruby were sitting.
Ruby turned to me and said:
"If I were twenty years younger, I'd grab you and cut a rug to this music!"
She then leaned over to Mema and said:
"That would make me 75...but I'd sure like to try!"

When you are with Mema, and Ruby appears,
it is like you are not even in the room.
Her stories and tales are directed to Mema.
She whispers alot of the time into Mema's ear.
Saying, I'm sure, racy things.
Mema had missed a button in the middle of her shirt today.
When Ruby saw this, she asked if Mema was trying to catch a man.
Mema answered:  "Oh ya, 2 or 3!"
Ruby leaned in and said, "talk is cheap, but it's all we have anymore!"
They both laughed!

I was with the two of them one day when Ruby told two stories of her childhood.
Her parents had eight children, she was the youngest.
Her mother died when Ruby was three.
Ruby used to sit at the breakfast table in the mornings
with her dad while he drank coffee.
She wanted to try coffee so badly  when she was little.
Her dad would say "Oh no Baby.  If you drank coffee you'd turn black."
This stopped her asking until she got a few years older,
then wondered why her Daddy was not black.
He quickly changed his story to
"the coffee would stunt your growth and you have to grow up to be a big girl."

(Now this story raised my  politically correct daughters' eyebrows.
I told them that 83 years ago, this was a perfectly accepted way to talk.)

The next story she told was that she used to sleep under the bed
because they didn't have screens on their windows so the flies were always around.
She hated them landing on her when she slept, so she just crawled under the bed.
Well, her family didn't know this.
Her older sister, who was to watch her while her dad was at work,
went into a panic when she couldn't find little Ruby.
She didn't want a whoopin.
Finally, they found her and Ruby never slept under the bed again,
because her sister was so upset and crying at the thought
that she had lost her baby sister.

I am so thankful that Mema has found such a wonderful friend in Ruby Toot Toot.
They walk the long halls together, or around the property in nice weather for exercise.
They always walk holding hands when they aren't using their walkers!
Ruby doesn't let Mema stay in her room.
If they don't like the activity, they go to sit in the lobby.
"At our age, we have a right to do nothing at all!"

Ruby will come over to Mema's table after a meal and ask how she liked the dinner.
Ruby usually complains and says she could have made a better stew when she was ten years old.
Mema doesn't remember what she had.
Then Ruby usually gives the finger to the room, to no one in particular, and off she goes.
However, she won't put up with Mema saying Hell.....
"Oh now, you shouldn't say things like that!"

this photo was taken for the newsletter in October....fast friends!

I know, my photoshop skills are horrible!

This is hard...sorta!

Mema moved into her new place on Wednesday.
Mom and Dad packed her up,
the movers moved her in,
I went for dinner with the three of them in the cafeteria.
We had spaghetti, garlic bread, beans, milk
and mema and daddy had chicken soup.

Mom and Dad left right after dinner and Mema and I went up to her room.
We had decided that I would stay with her for a few nights,
making sure that she got used to the new place.

First we(I) moved her furniture around.
Now her bedroom is up just like it was at Mom and Dad's.
After that, we took a walk around the property.
Mema had already walked once with Ruby,
so she sorta knew the way.
It was a beautiful evening for a walk.
Not too long of a hike either...just right.
When we got back up to the room we unpacked boxes and put away
tons of snacks in her kitchen.
This lady will NOT go hungry!
We lounged in the living room until about 11pm
talking about old pictures etc.
Then we went to bed, neither of us sleepy but very tired.
As soon as I had fallen asleep, a loud knock at the door!
The night nurse came in and explained
that for the first three nights whe was to check Mema's vitals.
Mema said "It's the middle of the night?!"
That would have been nice to know!
It was hard getting back to sleep after that,
because we both were afraid someone else would come.
Sometime during the night,
Mema decided to move her hearing aids to a different location
than she first put them when she went ot bed.
She kept thinking about it, and I woke to her flashlight searching for them,
as if a thief in the night.
We hunted all over the small room,
and finally found them in the desk!
The alarm went off at 7am as, breakfast was from 8-9.
Mema got dressed, put make up on and looked lovely, as she always does.
My hair was standing on end,
and I put on the same clothes I had worn the previous day!
Down to breakfast we went, Mema leading the way.
She missed the turn to the elevators, but we made it finally.
Pancake, bacon, and Mema had raison bran too!
She had coffee, milk, juice and water!
Thought she was going to float away.
Her table mates are Gloria, who will get her teeth hopefully later next week.
She ate fruit loops without milk "like candy."
Clemy, who moved in just before Mema, and thinks her daughter's son
has stolen all her furniture and left her with crappy items. 
Even tried to call the police.
And Verna who doesn't talk much, eats a bite or two,
then goes to the main room and goes to sleep.
I left Mema in the care of Cathy, who is her buddy until she gets settled,
and called V to help me arrange the living room, as I just couldn't see it.

Later that night, I heard this story from her:
V doesn't do people well, let alone old people.
She is a true Yankee, afraid of hospitals and germs!
But she was determined to make it nice for Mema!
She amped herself up in the parking lot,
all ready for big hellos and excitement from the residents,
as she walked through the door, there were six people in the lobby...
all sound asleep!
She giggle to herself but entered the elevator to Mema's floor.
As the doors opened to the second floor lobby,
all she saw was the big screen tv, tuned to nothing, but on,
and two men fast asleep as well!
WOW!
Hearing her tell it was much more funny!
We left the furniture as it was, said goodbye for now to Mema,
who was coloring, and I went home and slept for an hour and a half myself!
Must be catching.

The girls and I went to dinner,
which was a treat in itself for reasons I don't hink I should share.
Let me just say that large amounts of alcohol were consumed by my daughters.
After dinner, the girls came with me to unload more of the van for Mema.
I had bought a few more items that I discovered she needed after my nap.
Hilary informed her that this is what I do.
WHenever one of the girls moved, or went to college,
I would stock them with everything I felt they needed.
Toilet paper, cleaning supplies, message and cork boards,
picture hanging kits etc.
What can I say.....
I have the gift of hospitality!
I don't apologise any more!

When we got to her room, she opened the door
and there was not one light on, she had turned the ac off and it was sweltering in there
and she told us that she had not gone down to dinner.
Hilary's eyes grew to dinner plate size.
After V used the restroom, she discovered that there was no water....
she was mortified that she could not flush!
She went to the office and was told that no one had water.
They were fixing a leak and it should be back on within the hour.
We unloaded all my crap, and the four of us walked around the block
before the girls continued their evening plans.

Mema and I put together a towel rack,
which was difficult because both of us have large fingers,
and the tiny screws were not cooperating!
We hung pictures:  a collage frame of family pics that she had
outside of her bathroom in Strasberg (remember looking at those every year family?),
her kitchen clock, three flower paintings Grandpa painted,
and a modern thing the administrater gave Mema when she moved in.
She was commenting that it really was beginning to feel like home now
with all her familiar things around.
I also felt better when I asked a roaming nurse to help us make sure
two pictures were straight as Mema and I held them up,
and she told me that she had seen Mema at dinner and that she ate heartily.
Of course she did!
A snack of graham crackers and lemonade were brought in at eight,
and Mema and I talked for an hour about her childhood,
on the farm brining in the cows, growing and selling popcorn,
how they never had much but they were always so happy.
Goes to show you that you don't need much to have a good life,
and that she feels that she has had a wonderful life!
A nurse knocked at 10:30 to take her vitals for the second of three nights.
This was nice, as Mema and I got a wonderful night's sleep
after giving four hugs from and to each other!

I set my alarm for 7am again, but wanted to see how long Mema would sleep.
She woke up about 7:30 on her own.
I was wondering how we were going to work this early breakfast thing!
She woke a bit disoriented and thinking that she was a t my house.
She kept asking if this is where she was going to stay from now on,
these two rooms.
She got dressed in new clothes, but same undies I noticed,
put her shoes on and I led her out to breakfast.
She had forgotten how to get to the cafetieria,
I was noisy there when we sat down and her table mate Clemy
was very uncomfortable in her chair.
Gloria kept running back and forth to the nurses' station
and to her room to get pillows for poor uncomfortable Clemy, but nothing worked.
We had cold scrambled eggs, toast and yummy sausage links.
No coffee though, as the machine was broken.
OOOOOOOOO you should have heard the complaints.
It was like what I would imagine a group of addicts would sound like without their meth!
(No offense intended!)
The activity director was running around like a mad woman
making coffee in multiple pots and serving eveyone half cups of coffee!
It was really quite funny!
Eveyone got their coffee, but Mema decided that she would make hers in her room
and bring a cup down in case this ever happened again!

Mema was very quiet at breakfast, and everything seemed a bit off.
I was slowly getting depressed and having a pity party for me myself.
I left her in the activity room, with the intention of coming back
before they took a trip to Meijer, to make sure that she went with them.
I had gotten her $10 form the "bank" at the front desk so she woul dhave some spending money.
When I got home, I called Terry and was very sad.
If only she had moved in with me from Whispering Pines
then she would be used to her surroundings and not have to go through all this.
Now, I am afraid that she would be adjusting just as badly if she were to move in with me,
as she is at Wood Bridge.
And I honestly don't think that I could take her on now.
It really is a 48 hour a day job!
My life sems to have moved in a solitary dierction for now.

I dragged myself back to the community after lunch.
Mema was just finishing up, and Cathy told me that she was thinking she was not going to go.
I took Mema up to her room, and she had been rearranging her snack drawer and her jewelry.
Everything was everywhere!
She started to tear up and say that she just didn't think that seh was going to like it here.
She never thought she would wind up in a place like this.
She was just going to sit in her room and die.

Well, I told her that she was a s trong lady, and has been through more horrible things than this nice apartment.,
We were going to pull our britches up, both of us, and make her have a good time.
And if she didn't like it, she could just tell me off.
She laughed a bit at that.
Agreed that she was a strong women and let me get her ready for her trip.
She sounted and recounted and recounted her $13.
We found her walker, where we had put it from the beginning, in the first closet.,
we made out a list of items she wanted to get:  nuts for she and Hilary,
who was staying tonight with her,
and we made out way back downstairs where we would meet the other residents who were going to Meijer.

We stood over by the finch house,
and looked around at the nine people who were also there in the lobby.
I tried hard to chat about how cute the birds were,
ready to cry at any moment...with my britches not as high as I wanted them.
One woman cam wheeling up to us, with her oxygen mask, bib and bag of peaches.
She said hello and asked if Mema was enjoying herself.
Mema answered "kind of."
Mystery woman wheeled off to the mail boxes and Mema asked her name.
I told her she didn't say, but we could just call her Honey.
For that matter, we didn't know anyone and we could call them all Honey.
Mema giggled at that.
Two ladies over heard our conversation and said I'll be honey #1 and I'll be honey #2!
More giggles.
Honey #1, 2 began gossiping and I called them out on it!\
Apparently this lo bby was the place to be for all the juicy gossip and know all to end all.
As Cathy and Mema went to the dest to sign up for Snite Museum trips,
Potowanami picnics and Essenhaus brunches,
I became aquinted  with the Honeys.. Ida and Janice #1 and #2, and Sarah,
who was told not to go to sleep.
I found out some juicy gossip....I was sworn to secrecy....
Was told not to let Mema wave money around...
I suppose they saw her counting her $13.00
Mema thought that was unlucky, so she gave me a dollar back to put in her room,
along with her walker, because she was going to use a shopping cart.
I made a trip to her room and back,
and they were all sitting outside waiting on the bus.
I told Mema that Hilary was going to stay the night tonight.
I didn't know what time, but that she might take her out for Margaritas!
Everyone wants to go, so Hil better bring the mini van!
Everyone go on the bus, Mema and Gloria in the front seat, waving goodbye to me.
I left feeling better than I had in a few days!

My new routine may just be going over at 7:30 am, making sure Mema is up,
Making some coffee in her pot and walking her to breakfast before I head to the gym.

God is so good!
I just need to put all my worries onto Him!
And Mema is a sassy ornery lady, who will conquer this obstacle too!

movin on up

Change is hard.
It is especially hard when you are almost 90 years old.
At least she doesn't have to pack or make unimportant decisions.
It's going to take a while to get used to her new surroundings.
I so wish that living with family was an option,
but it is not.
So, assisted living is the best option right now.

Mema is moving into Wood Ridge Assisted Living Community
into a studio apartment.
She has two huge windows  off the living area that look out onto the woods
and a yard area with flower gardens.
Gonna try to put a bird feeder out for her!
She is on the second floor.
She has her own kitchenette with microwave and mini fridge,
sink, and cupboards.
Off to find a coffe pot too, as she LOVES her coffee!
And now she can drink as much of it as she wants!

She has her own bathroom, two big closets,
living area for sofa, chairs,
dining table and chairs, and tv if she wants it.
She will take her bed, large dresser and mirror, desk,
end tables, lamps etc.
I got her a telephone that has large places for pictures
on the numbered buttons.
This will be a one touch programmable phone so she doesn't have to worry
about remembering numbers.
I'll use family pics that were sent a few years ago.

Wood Ridge prepares three meals a day, with at least two choices of entree.
They have a large activity room, lovely deck with bbq grill,
nice walking area outside, finches in the entry hall, a laundry area,
where Mema can do her own laundry (no quarters required)
or they will do it for her.
They will also clean her apt as much as she wants them to.
When we visited today, they were just coming back from a trip to Walmart.
They go to the grocery store, Big Lots, and even have a trip to the casino planned.
Every morning is an exercise class after breakfast,
and many activities through out the day.

For the first few weeks, there is a buddy assigned to her.
This buddy will knock on her door and take her to meals and activities
until she gets used to the routine.
I'm sure in no time, that she herself will be a buddy!

I'll stay the first few days with her at night to make sure she gets acclimated.
Kinda looking forward to a slumber party with my Grandma!

She can have visitors anytime, even to eat with her
(I'm going to take her up on this one buddy!)
The only thing they ask is that you sign her out if you leave the building for lunch,
margaritas, family dinner etc.
If she misses a meal, they go on the hunt for her to make sure she is ok.
They have a 24 hour nursing staff on hand and also give her her meds.

Please pray that she adjusts well and quickly.
I think the girls are taking it harder than anyone, as they just see old people,
however, it is like moving in to a college dorm with your peers.

As we were leaving the tour before she actually moves in,
(Mema had had a long day at school and I could tell that she was tired)
she asked us to tell the administrator to remember that she is shy and quiet.
Then she laughed really hard!

She is going to be just fine!
I know we will be too, once we see her happy and active in her own place.

School part two

I must let you know that school,
in my opinion has changed from my first impression.

I take Mema to school Monday, Wednesday and Friday
from 10am-3pm every week.
It is soon to be five days a week, the same time frame.
Medicare is paying for all of it,
as I understand.
This will be a very welcome routine!

It is a good routine for me,
as I have a starting/ get out of bed time,
and a time when I must stop what I am doing
to pick Mema up to come home.

The past Monday, they had celebrated Easter with an egg hunt
with the local preschool day care.
The previous week, the clients prepared by painting ducks,
coloring eggs and preparing for their small friends.
It was a highlight of the month!

Yesterday, when I went to pick her up from home in the morning,
she was waiting for me at the door,
coat on, walker ready, and anxious to go.
We met a nurse in the parking lot,
and she said "hello Dorothy"!
Told me how she was so excited to see my mema,
as she always had a smile on her face,
and was always ready to do anything, or help in any way.

When I came to pick her up in the afternoon,
all the clients were sitting in a circle
kicking and hitting a large beach ball back and forth.
At one time, the ball went way over Mema's head.
She reached for it, tapped it back,
bent forward laughing
and giggled with a friend who was sitting next to her.
At this point, she saw me through the window,
pointed that I was there,
and rushed to the door...without her walker!

(About six weeks ago, Mema fell
and broke her left ankle in two places.
She has been in a walking boot since then and will go back to the doctor May 1, hopefully to get the ok from him,
that she can remove the boot.)

When I went to drop Mema off at home, neither Mom nor Dad was home,
so, we two decided to go to Dairy Queen.
What a stitch she was!
SO excited that they had different nuts to put on her sundae,
and hot fudge too!
We sat n a booth and ate and talked about the past,
all the different places she had lived.
She seemed to remember quite a bit.

When we left the DQ,
I noticed that there was a rainbow around the sun.
We stopped in the middle of the parking lot, pointing and commenting
on this rare sight.
Two girls asked what we were looking at.
They couldn't see the rainbow because they didn't have sunglasses on.
I handed one girl my sunglasses.
She ooed and ahhed, asked if her friend could borrow the glasses,
and she in turn exclaimed how wonderful.
When we got back in the car, Mema said how nice it was to share things,
that people don't normally take the time to look at.
Time is too short she said, not to stop and look up.

I told mom and dad about the rainbow when we got home.
Mema had forgotten all about it,
and was anxious to go outside and look up again at the sight.
She mentioned again how wonderful it was to see,
that most people don't take the time to look around.

I believe that Mema attending the Milton Home Day Care
is one of the best things we could have done for her.
She has friends,
she is so happy with the activities and time she spends there,
even if she doesn't remember enough
to tell me about it that afternoon.
They offer her coffee in the morning, feed her a huge lunch,
and also have snacks in the afternoon.
This she does remember!
It is good for Mom and Dad too, as they have some freedom
in the daytime to accomplish things without worrying
that Mema will fall or get tired tagging along with them.

So, dear family, please disregard my previous post complaining
about the level of care.
I have fully turned around my opinion
and would be very sad if she was not able to attend any longer!

The treasured tip.

When Mema was a young girl all the way through her adult years,
she was a waitress.
I believe she also worked at a drugstore near retirement,
but her preferred career was waitress.
She got a job as a waitress when she was 14 years old.
She worked in small towns,
where shift workers would come to the restaurant quickly,
order and eat and be back at work in a short period of time.

Mema tells of times at different establishments,
different bosses, and favorite times.
She has said that every once in a while,
a customer would get too friendly,
pat her behind or make a fresh comment.
Her response was always to either politely tell them
this behavior was not appreciated,
or, as she likes to tell,
haul off and slug them!

She has always prided herself on being fast and efficient.
She is still quick of foot even at 89 years old!

I remember a story she tells quite often when remembering her work.
One day during a very busy lunch time,
she served a young man who was traveling.
She remembered him as pleasant.
However, she was very busy and did not see him leave.
When she cleared his table,
she found a note from the young man.

"Thank you very much for waiting on my today.
The lunch was very good.
As I am travelling and looking for work,
I cannot  give you the tip that I wish I could give you.
Your service today was worth at least a $50 tip.
Thank you for making such a day seem sunny.
You made me feel welcome and treated me like family"

That was all he left.
He paid the bill and walked away.
She never heard from this young man again,
but has kept this note for all these years.

I have never seen this note,
but one day I hope to find it in her possessions.

I love that what is so important to Mema
is the thought and not the money.
What a classy lady!
Do your best in everything you do and you will be appreciated!