Gaps in time.

I was doing some Christmas ornament shopping,
and decided to stop by Mema's with a pint of Rocky Road.
She opened the door with a huge smile that evening.
We replaced the fall wreath, with a snowman stocking I bought.
We had such a nice visit, eating ice cream and reminiscing about
her growing up, young married life, and dancing with Grandpa.
She remarked, more than once, (LOL)
that if people would only take time to remember the good stuff,
they would be so much happier.
After  two hours, I headed home.
As I was leaving, Mema noticed the stocking on her door,
and exclaimed how pretty it was, looking at front and back.
She stood in her doorway, watching me go down the hall,
telling me to be careful out there, and how much she enjoyed our visit.

The next evening I got a call from her about 6:30.
She said she didn't know where she was, and couldn't figure out what happened.
I asked if she wanted me to come, and she thought I better.
When I got to here room, as she had called me from there,
she was so glad to see me.
She was so confused, and said she was scared
and that she couldn't remember anything.
She remembered eating dinner, then nothing.
She was asking where something was, and I finally figured out
she wanted to know where her dinner dishes were.
We walked down the hall, to see if she remembered anything,
got to the dining room, and she was looking under the table for dishes.
We went into the kitchen and asked if Mema had come to dinner.
They said yes, she had chicken broccoli tortellini, but hadn't eaten much.
A nurse came who had taken her to her room after dinner
and said that she had been confused.
We walked back to her room, and she kept saying that she couldn't believe
why she was so confused and so quickly.
She calmed down a bit, we got her jammies on,
got a snack from the nurse and settled in.
I left and told her I'd check on her the next day.

The next morning when I stopped by,
Mema was in the lobby with a cup of coffee and in a foul mood.
Now foul mood for Mema, means, she wasn't talking to anyone
or complaining that she was doing awful, her eyes were blurry
and she was grumpy.
I took her to her room and visited a bit.
She said she hadn't slept well, and all she was really talking about
was wishing she would just go to sleep and not wake up again.
I noticed that her lamp was missing the switch,
and she had dropped her blush and needed more.
When I was in the bathroom, I noticed a tissue in the garbage
that was full of red marks. 
I looked all over Mema for cuts or scratches, but could find none.
Since I was getting her blush I also found that she needed lipstick.
I noticed this because the tube looked funny.
As it turns out, Mema has forgotten
that you can twist the tube to make the lipstick rise up.
She has been digging into the tube with her finger and putting on her lipstick that way.
Mystery of the red marks on the tissue!
You just have to laugh!

I told her I was going to the store and to the gym, that I would be back.
She wanted to stay in her room.
I made a pot of coffee and left.
When I got back two hours later, she was bright and chipper!
She had taken a nap "the whole afternoon" and felt much better.
I took her down to dinner and left her for the night.

Last night she called me and told me that she was lost and confused.
It was dinner time so I told her to go out of her room and walk down the hall
to have dinner and that she would feel better.
She said ok and hung up.
I called the desk and asked them to make sure she got down there.
Jen is so nice and loving!
I heard later from Mom that Mema had called her from the desk
thinking that her family didn't know where she was, and was very upset.

It is becoming a struggle knowing when to visit, when I can help bring her peace,
and when I should leave her alone.
I can't imagine that  not seeing family when she is confused is the best for her
when I am able to go anytime.
I really enjoy spending time with her even when she is confused.
She is always sweet to everyone and they all love her there.

I am not upset.
Mema is almost 90 and has had a great life.
This is just the circle we are in now.
I feel badly for other family members who did not or do not take the opportunity
to be with her now, although Mema would not remember a visit.
She does remember the emotions, the smiles and the loving feelings,
even if she doesn't remember the conversation.

What a lady!
I am blessed to be her with her at the ending of her life,
no matter how long that may be!