Was going to try to make early church, but decided to sleep an extra hour.
It felt good.
The weather has been so very unpredictable as of late.
My weather app on the iPhone...
(how silly that sounds! kind of like saying I played the 8 track tape)
anyway, the weather was 40-70% chance of rain and a high of 39 degrees.
I was greeting and handing out bulletins at church today,
so I snuggled into my heavy, fleecy coat, scarf and gloves.
As folks were coming out of church they greeted and hugged me,
as I was greeting and hugging folks coming into church.
"OOOOOO your cheeks are so cold!"
"OOOOOO your cheeks are so warm!" was my reply.
It was a wonderful service, full of great worship, lovely Christmas decorations,
and an energetic sermon:
What do you do if it seems like God doesn't hear your prayers?
I was thinking to myself, how very much I seemed to have missed Pastor Sam
and his energy, even though I saw him last Sunday.
Lots of people hurting and needing miracles this time of year.
As I was driving over to see Mema, my mom called and told me that
the nurse had called her this morning, and said that Mema had the stomach flu.
She was very embarrassed and confused.
I talked to the nurse when I got there at lunch time and she filled me in.
They are running some urinary infection tests
because that sometimes causes some confusion.
I took some soup and crackers to her room,
knocked and waited for her to answer.
She eventually opened the door and smiled when she saw me.
Then she turned around and just flopped onto the bed.
Shoes on, pants askew, no glasses.
Not even near the pillows.
I helped her off with her shoes and pants,
adjusting the depends, that she began wearing today,
fluffed her pillows and threw an afghan over her tiny little body.
She smiled at me again.
"I just don't know what I did, that I'm so confused now."
I told her that her tummy had been rumbling for a few days,
and that the nurses were in her room helping her early this morning.
She was just so tired.
She rolled over onto her side, and shut her eyes.
I climbed in right beside her and she patted my hand and told me she loved me.
(Yup, I'm tearing up again, just like I did then.)
I kept my hand on her arm, and my head close to hers, until she fell asleep.
I kicked off my own shoes, and found her Bible by the bedside.
As my sweet Grandma slept, I read her Bible that was on the desk beside the bed.
As I leafed through the Bible, given to her on Mother's Day 1978,
I cherished every page I turned.
My Grandma had always cut out "important to her" items out of magazines,
the Daily Bread, prayers she has written down, etc.
In her Bible these mementos were taped
in every possible space of every empty page.
The tape was deep yellow and very brittle.
I could read every piece she had saved.
Most items seemed to be about getting old.
About the young self being in the old "house".
Prayers for forgiveness, for failing God in some way during the day,
and to let her walk for Him the next day.
Scripture passages under topics of forgiveness, strength, living, etc.
Someday soon, I'll write these out, and include them.
Every once in a while, her breathing would change,
and she would look over at me.
I would tell her it was ok, that I was here.
One time I touched her cheek, and she touched my hand.
One time I patted her hand and she rubbed mine with her thumb.
Then she would roll over and go back to sleep.
It was the most beautiful time I can ever think of spending with my Grandma.
What a sweet, wonderful woman.
She is always kind, even when she is confused or angry.
She worries about taking up my time with sitting with her,
when there is absolutely no place on Earth I would rather be!
She knows her memory is slipping quickly and this scares her.
I can see the fear and confusion as she sits looking into the mirror
wondering if there is something she is supposed to do,
or worrying if the door is locked because there is a "freak"
that walks around turning door knobs and doesn't talk or smile.
After a while, we put on her pants and shoes
and took a walk to the lobby and back.
She was tired, so she sat on her bed again.
I left her after four hours, with some sprite and some jelly toast on her bedside table.
I don't believe she went to dinner
as she hasn't eaten much of anything for three days.
The nurse went to check on her after I left.
I trust them and see how sweet they are to her.
What a loving staff.
I kissed Grandma goodbye at least five times.
I just didn't want to go.
I am so very blessed to have had this woman in my life,
my whole life.
I feel sorry for my relatives, that do not have the opportunity
to love on her as I am doing.
It breaks my heart that they haven't seen her in a few years
and do not even know what she is going through.
She is childlike.
She is my history.
She is fading.
Thank you God for allowing me to see her heading down the road to meet you.
I pray that she goes peacefully when He takes her.
I am ready to say good bye, and will miss her so very much.
She is my back bone.
I see so much of myself in her.
But I am ready because she is ready.
The above pics were taken two years ago on her birthday.
It is dramatic how much changes in just 730 days.
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