A Gift?

I went to check on Mema tonight.
Mom had spent most of the day with her.
She said Mema was not doing well.
We have been trying to decide if Mema is well enough
to come to Christmas Eve dinner, and/or Christmas morning.
Mom thinks not.
I am torn because I so badly want her here...
to be here, with family at the holiday.
But I am fearful that she will not be "here" and what that will mean.

I took a few Mary's sugar cookies that V made, as well as some fudge.

When I got to Woodridge, the nurse said that she ate some soup for dinner
and seemed like she was feeling better.
When I unlocked Mema's door, she was laying on her bed,
clothes still on, but shoes off.
She had her glasses on.
She woke up when I came in.
"Well, hello honey!"
She struggled to sit up, and I propped some pillows behind her.
She only had one hearing aid in, so I found the other on her dresser,
and helped her put it on.
I told her that Ronni had made some cookies, and she wanted to try one.
She figured she should sit up.
I gave her a bright green christmas tree
and she said it tasted just like the ones she used to make.
I told her it was Christmas Eve tomorrow and was checking on her
to see if she wanted to come for dinner.
"I would like to.  I can't believe it's already Christmas Eve."

I told her a memory I had of when we were little kids, on Christmas Eve.
She had to work late, so all us kids were kneeling on the couch
waiting for her to come home.
It was so dark and it was snowing harder than any of us could remember.
We couldn't have Christmas until Grandma got home!
We waited and waited what seemed like hours.
You would have thought we were waiting on Santa himself!
Soon, we saw her car driving up the road.
We knew it was her car because it was so very late,
and we hadn't seen any cars for a long while.
We all jumped around and were so very happy!
After she got her coat off and hung up,
gathered all the family in the family room,
and received all the hugs from all of her grandchildren,
we had Christmas!

Mema, smiled and said that she remembered that night.
That she did have to work late.
She was always volunteering so others could go home to be with their families.
How I love that lady!

All of the sudden it was like someone had switched off a light.
Mema said she didn't know where she was.
It seemed like she was supposed to be somewhere else, but didn't remember where.
Her eyes looked blank and foggy.
She finished her cookie and bit of sprite,
but was sitting on the edge of her bed, staring into the mirror.
"I don't know where I am."
I told her that she was in her apartment and that she was safe.
"How long have I been here?"
My answers varied each time she asked.
A few months,
right after dinner you came in and took a nap,
it's ok to be confused, you are safe.

I got her into her pajamas,
she spit out her teeth, and I couldn't find her tooth case,
so I put efferdent into a coffee cup.
We took her hearing aids out and her glasses off.
She had difficulty standing when I pulled her sheets down, but snuggled in after.
"Maybe after I sleep, I'll remember where I am.
I just don't remember where I was before."

I told her goodnight and that I loved her.
"I love you too honey.  Don't you worry about me, I'll be better after I sleep."

After I left, I ran into a nurse.
I hugged her and started crying.
She told me not to worry, that they were taking very good care of my grandma.
The only thing I could do was to give her a thumbs up!
I couldn't speak.
I had a huge lump in my throat.
I waved and left.
I cried in the car all the way home.
I had a cappucinno martini.
Now I am going to put the Christmas ham into the oven.
A few more gifts to wrap.

Thank you God for giving me a few minutes with Grandma.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring,
but it is all in Your hands!
Your wonderful, loving hands!