Ruby Toot Toot

Mema has a friend at Woodridge.
Everyone loves Mema and says that she is so sweet,
is always smiling and always ready to help.
But Ruby Toot Toot is special.

Ruby is 95 years old.
She lives down the hall from Mema and looks out for her.
A favorite story she has, is when Mema lived upstairs.
Ruby lives on the first floor.
She keeps her door open all the time.
Her room is painted bright sunshine yellow.
One day she noticed Mema passing her door walking down the hall.
She looked out the door and yelled out
"Where are you going?"
Mema answered...."I'm trying to go home!"
"Well, you live upstairs.  Come on, I'll take you."
This happened many times.
Elevators confused Mema.
Someone was always helping her upstairs to her room.

Mema now lives downstairs in the same hall as Ruby.

These two are always together.
Ruby has not lost a step.
In fact, you have to watch yourself around this pistol of a woman.
One time I was listening to a singer with the residents.
I was standing behind the couch where Mema and Ruby were sitting.
Ruby turned to me and said:
"If I were twenty years younger, I'd grab you and cut a rug to this music!"
She then leaned over to Mema and said:
"That would make me 75...but I'd sure like to try!"

When you are with Mema, and Ruby appears,
it is like you are not even in the room.
Her stories and tales are directed to Mema.
She whispers alot of the time into Mema's ear.
Saying, I'm sure, racy things.
Mema had missed a button in the middle of her shirt today.
When Ruby saw this, she asked if Mema was trying to catch a man.
Mema answered:  "Oh ya, 2 or 3!"
Ruby leaned in and said, "talk is cheap, but it's all we have anymore!"
They both laughed!

I was with the two of them one day when Ruby told two stories of her childhood.
Her parents had eight children, she was the youngest.
Her mother died when Ruby was three.
Ruby used to sit at the breakfast table in the mornings
with her dad while he drank coffee.
She wanted to try coffee so badly  when she was little.
Her dad would say "Oh no Baby.  If you drank coffee you'd turn black."
This stopped her asking until she got a few years older,
then wondered why her Daddy was not black.
He quickly changed his story to
"the coffee would stunt your growth and you have to grow up to be a big girl."

(Now this story raised my  politically correct daughters' eyebrows.
I told them that 83 years ago, this was a perfectly accepted way to talk.)

The next story she told was that she used to sleep under the bed
because they didn't have screens on their windows so the flies were always around.
She hated them landing on her when she slept, so she just crawled under the bed.
Well, her family didn't know this.
Her older sister, who was to watch her while her dad was at work,
went into a panic when she couldn't find little Ruby.
She didn't want a whoopin.
Finally, they found her and Ruby never slept under the bed again,
because her sister was so upset and crying at the thought
that she had lost her baby sister.

I am so thankful that Mema has found such a wonderful friend in Ruby Toot Toot.
They walk the long halls together, or around the property in nice weather for exercise.
They always walk holding hands when they aren't using their walkers!
Ruby doesn't let Mema stay in her room.
If they don't like the activity, they go to sit in the lobby.
"At our age, we have a right to do nothing at all!"

Ruby will come over to Mema's table after a meal and ask how she liked the dinner.
Ruby usually complains and says she could have made a better stew when she was ten years old.
Mema doesn't remember what she had.
Then Ruby usually gives the finger to the room, to no one in particular, and off she goes.
However, she won't put up with Mema saying Hell.....
"Oh now, you shouldn't say things like that!"

this photo was taken for the newsletter in October....fast friends!

I know, my photoshop skills are horrible!

This is hard...sorta!

Mema moved into her new place on Wednesday.
Mom and Dad packed her up,
the movers moved her in,
I went for dinner with the three of them in the cafeteria.
We had spaghetti, garlic bread, beans, milk
and mema and daddy had chicken soup.

Mom and Dad left right after dinner and Mema and I went up to her room.
We had decided that I would stay with her for a few nights,
making sure that she got used to the new place.

First we(I) moved her furniture around.
Now her bedroom is up just like it was at Mom and Dad's.
After that, we took a walk around the property.
Mema had already walked once with Ruby,
so she sorta knew the way.
It was a beautiful evening for a walk.
Not too long of a hike either...just right.
When we got back up to the room we unpacked boxes and put away
tons of snacks in her kitchen.
This lady will NOT go hungry!
We lounged in the living room until about 11pm
talking about old pictures etc.
Then we went to bed, neither of us sleepy but very tired.
As soon as I had fallen asleep, a loud knock at the door!
The night nurse came in and explained
that for the first three nights whe was to check Mema's vitals.
Mema said "It's the middle of the night?!"
That would have been nice to know!
It was hard getting back to sleep after that,
because we both were afraid someone else would come.
Sometime during the night,
Mema decided to move her hearing aids to a different location
than she first put them when she went ot bed.
She kept thinking about it, and I woke to her flashlight searching for them,
as if a thief in the night.
We hunted all over the small room,
and finally found them in the desk!
The alarm went off at 7am as, breakfast was from 8-9.
Mema got dressed, put make up on and looked lovely, as she always does.
My hair was standing on end,
and I put on the same clothes I had worn the previous day!
Down to breakfast we went, Mema leading the way.
She missed the turn to the elevators, but we made it finally.
Pancake, bacon, and Mema had raison bran too!
She had coffee, milk, juice and water!
Thought she was going to float away.
Her table mates are Gloria, who will get her teeth hopefully later next week.
She ate fruit loops without milk "like candy."
Clemy, who moved in just before Mema, and thinks her daughter's son
has stolen all her furniture and left her with crappy items. 
Even tried to call the police.
And Verna who doesn't talk much, eats a bite or two,
then goes to the main room and goes to sleep.
I left Mema in the care of Cathy, who is her buddy until she gets settled,
and called V to help me arrange the living room, as I just couldn't see it.

Later that night, I heard this story from her:
V doesn't do people well, let alone old people.
She is a true Yankee, afraid of hospitals and germs!
But she was determined to make it nice for Mema!
She amped herself up in the parking lot,
all ready for big hellos and excitement from the residents,
as she walked through the door, there were six people in the lobby...
all sound asleep!
She giggle to herself but entered the elevator to Mema's floor.
As the doors opened to the second floor lobby,
all she saw was the big screen tv, tuned to nothing, but on,
and two men fast asleep as well!
WOW!
Hearing her tell it was much more funny!
We left the furniture as it was, said goodbye for now to Mema,
who was coloring, and I went home and slept for an hour and a half myself!
Must be catching.

The girls and I went to dinner,
which was a treat in itself for reasons I don't hink I should share.
Let me just say that large amounts of alcohol were consumed by my daughters.
After dinner, the girls came with me to unload more of the van for Mema.
I had bought a few more items that I discovered she needed after my nap.
Hilary informed her that this is what I do.
WHenever one of the girls moved, or went to college,
I would stock them with everything I felt they needed.
Toilet paper, cleaning supplies, message and cork boards,
picture hanging kits etc.
What can I say.....
I have the gift of hospitality!
I don't apologise any more!

When we got to her room, she opened the door
and there was not one light on, she had turned the ac off and it was sweltering in there
and she told us that she had not gone down to dinner.
Hilary's eyes grew to dinner plate size.
After V used the restroom, she discovered that there was no water....
she was mortified that she could not flush!
She went to the office and was told that no one had water.
They were fixing a leak and it should be back on within the hour.
We unloaded all my crap, and the four of us walked around the block
before the girls continued their evening plans.

Mema and I put together a towel rack,
which was difficult because both of us have large fingers,
and the tiny screws were not cooperating!
We hung pictures:  a collage frame of family pics that she had
outside of her bathroom in Strasberg (remember looking at those every year family?),
her kitchen clock, three flower paintings Grandpa painted,
and a modern thing the administrater gave Mema when she moved in.
She was commenting that it really was beginning to feel like home now
with all her familiar things around.
I also felt better when I asked a roaming nurse to help us make sure
two pictures were straight as Mema and I held them up,
and she told me that she had seen Mema at dinner and that she ate heartily.
Of course she did!
A snack of graham crackers and lemonade were brought in at eight,
and Mema and I talked for an hour about her childhood,
on the farm brining in the cows, growing and selling popcorn,
how they never had much but they were always so happy.
Goes to show you that you don't need much to have a good life,
and that she feels that she has had a wonderful life!
A nurse knocked at 10:30 to take her vitals for the second of three nights.
This was nice, as Mema and I got a wonderful night's sleep
after giving four hugs from and to each other!

I set my alarm for 7am again, but wanted to see how long Mema would sleep.
She woke up about 7:30 on her own.
I was wondering how we were going to work this early breakfast thing!
She woke a bit disoriented and thinking that she was a t my house.
She kept asking if this is where she was going to stay from now on,
these two rooms.
She got dressed in new clothes, but same undies I noticed,
put her shoes on and I led her out to breakfast.
She had forgotten how to get to the cafetieria,
I was noisy there when we sat down and her table mate Clemy
was very uncomfortable in her chair.
Gloria kept running back and forth to the nurses' station
and to her room to get pillows for poor uncomfortable Clemy, but nothing worked.
We had cold scrambled eggs, toast and yummy sausage links.
No coffee though, as the machine was broken.
OOOOOOOOO you should have heard the complaints.
It was like what I would imagine a group of addicts would sound like without their meth!
(No offense intended!)
The activity director was running around like a mad woman
making coffee in multiple pots and serving eveyone half cups of coffee!
It was really quite funny!
Eveyone got their coffee, but Mema decided that she would make hers in her room
and bring a cup down in case this ever happened again!

Mema was very quiet at breakfast, and everything seemed a bit off.
I was slowly getting depressed and having a pity party for me myself.
I left her in the activity room, with the intention of coming back
before they took a trip to Meijer, to make sure that she went with them.
I had gotten her $10 form the "bank" at the front desk so she woul dhave some spending money.
When I got home, I called Terry and was very sad.
If only she had moved in with me from Whispering Pines
then she would be used to her surroundings and not have to go through all this.
Now, I am afraid that she would be adjusting just as badly if she were to move in with me,
as she is at Wood Bridge.
And I honestly don't think that I could take her on now.
It really is a 48 hour a day job!
My life sems to have moved in a solitary dierction for now.

I dragged myself back to the community after lunch.
Mema was just finishing up, and Cathy told me that she was thinking she was not going to go.
I took Mema up to her room, and she had been rearranging her snack drawer and her jewelry.
Everything was everywhere!
She started to tear up and say that she just didn't think that seh was going to like it here.
She never thought she would wind up in a place like this.
She was just going to sit in her room and die.

Well, I told her that she was a s trong lady, and has been through more horrible things than this nice apartment.,
We were going to pull our britches up, both of us, and make her have a good time.
And if she didn't like it, she could just tell me off.
She laughed a bit at that.
Agreed that she was a strong women and let me get her ready for her trip.
She sounted and recounted and recounted her $13.
We found her walker, where we had put it from the beginning, in the first closet.,
we made out a list of items she wanted to get:  nuts for she and Hilary,
who was staying tonight with her,
and we made out way back downstairs where we would meet the other residents who were going to Meijer.

We stood over by the finch house,
and looked around at the nine people who were also there in the lobby.
I tried hard to chat about how cute the birds were,
ready to cry at any moment...with my britches not as high as I wanted them.
One woman cam wheeling up to us, with her oxygen mask, bib and bag of peaches.
She said hello and asked if Mema was enjoying herself.
Mema answered "kind of."
Mystery woman wheeled off to the mail boxes and Mema asked her name.
I told her she didn't say, but we could just call her Honey.
For that matter, we didn't know anyone and we could call them all Honey.
Mema giggled at that.
Two ladies over heard our conversation and said I'll be honey #1 and I'll be honey #2!
More giggles.
Honey #1, 2 began gossiping and I called them out on it!\
Apparently this lo bby was the place to be for all the juicy gossip and know all to end all.
As Cathy and Mema went to the dest to sign up for Snite Museum trips,
Potowanami picnics and Essenhaus brunches,
I became aquinted  with the Honeys.. Ida and Janice #1 and #2, and Sarah,
who was told not to go to sleep.
I found out some juicy gossip....I was sworn to secrecy....
Was told not to let Mema wave money around...
I suppose they saw her counting her $13.00
Mema thought that was unlucky, so she gave me a dollar back to put in her room,
along with her walker, because she was going to use a shopping cart.
I made a trip to her room and back,
and they were all sitting outside waiting on the bus.
I told Mema that Hilary was going to stay the night tonight.
I didn't know what time, but that she might take her out for Margaritas!
Everyone wants to go, so Hil better bring the mini van!
Everyone go on the bus, Mema and Gloria in the front seat, waving goodbye to me.
I left feeling better than I had in a few days!

My new routine may just be going over at 7:30 am, making sure Mema is up,
Making some coffee in her pot and walking her to breakfast before I head to the gym.

God is so good!
I just need to put all my worries onto Him!
And Mema is a sassy ornery lady, who will conquer this obstacle too!

movin on up

Change is hard.
It is especially hard when you are almost 90 years old.
At least she doesn't have to pack or make unimportant decisions.
It's going to take a while to get used to her new surroundings.
I so wish that living with family was an option,
but it is not.
So, assisted living is the best option right now.

Mema is moving into Wood Ridge Assisted Living Community
into a studio apartment.
She has two huge windows  off the living area that look out onto the woods
and a yard area with flower gardens.
Gonna try to put a bird feeder out for her!
She is on the second floor.
She has her own kitchenette with microwave and mini fridge,
sink, and cupboards.
Off to find a coffe pot too, as she LOVES her coffee!
And now she can drink as much of it as she wants!

She has her own bathroom, two big closets,
living area for sofa, chairs,
dining table and chairs, and tv if she wants it.
She will take her bed, large dresser and mirror, desk,
end tables, lamps etc.
I got her a telephone that has large places for pictures
on the numbered buttons.
This will be a one touch programmable phone so she doesn't have to worry
about remembering numbers.
I'll use family pics that were sent a few years ago.

Wood Ridge prepares three meals a day, with at least two choices of entree.
They have a large activity room, lovely deck with bbq grill,
nice walking area outside, finches in the entry hall, a laundry area,
where Mema can do her own laundry (no quarters required)
or they will do it for her.
They will also clean her apt as much as she wants them to.
When we visited today, they were just coming back from a trip to Walmart.
They go to the grocery store, Big Lots, and even have a trip to the casino planned.
Every morning is an exercise class after breakfast,
and many activities through out the day.

For the first few weeks, there is a buddy assigned to her.
This buddy will knock on her door and take her to meals and activities
until she gets used to the routine.
I'm sure in no time, that she herself will be a buddy!

I'll stay the first few days with her at night to make sure she gets acclimated.
Kinda looking forward to a slumber party with my Grandma!

She can have visitors anytime, even to eat with her
(I'm going to take her up on this one buddy!)
The only thing they ask is that you sign her out if you leave the building for lunch,
margaritas, family dinner etc.
If she misses a meal, they go on the hunt for her to make sure she is ok.
They have a 24 hour nursing staff on hand and also give her her meds.

Please pray that she adjusts well and quickly.
I think the girls are taking it harder than anyone, as they just see old people,
however, it is like moving in to a college dorm with your peers.

As we were leaving the tour before she actually moves in,
(Mema had had a long day at school and I could tell that she was tired)
she asked us to tell the administrator to remember that she is shy and quiet.
Then she laughed really hard!

She is going to be just fine!
I know we will be too, once we see her happy and active in her own place.

School part two

I must let you know that school,
in my opinion has changed from my first impression.

I take Mema to school Monday, Wednesday and Friday
from 10am-3pm every week.
It is soon to be five days a week, the same time frame.
Medicare is paying for all of it,
as I understand.
This will be a very welcome routine!

It is a good routine for me,
as I have a starting/ get out of bed time,
and a time when I must stop what I am doing
to pick Mema up to come home.

The past Monday, they had celebrated Easter with an egg hunt
with the local preschool day care.
The previous week, the clients prepared by painting ducks,
coloring eggs and preparing for their small friends.
It was a highlight of the month!

Yesterday, when I went to pick her up from home in the morning,
she was waiting for me at the door,
coat on, walker ready, and anxious to go.
We met a nurse in the parking lot,
and she said "hello Dorothy"!
Told me how she was so excited to see my mema,
as she always had a smile on her face,
and was always ready to do anything, or help in any way.

When I came to pick her up in the afternoon,
all the clients were sitting in a circle
kicking and hitting a large beach ball back and forth.
At one time, the ball went way over Mema's head.
She reached for it, tapped it back,
bent forward laughing
and giggled with a friend who was sitting next to her.
At this point, she saw me through the window,
pointed that I was there,
and rushed to the door...without her walker!

(About six weeks ago, Mema fell
and broke her left ankle in two places.
She has been in a walking boot since then and will go back to the doctor May 1, hopefully to get the ok from him,
that she can remove the boot.)

When I went to drop Mema off at home, neither Mom nor Dad was home,
so, we two decided to go to Dairy Queen.
What a stitch she was!
SO excited that they had different nuts to put on her sundae,
and hot fudge too!
We sat n a booth and ate and talked about the past,
all the different places she had lived.
She seemed to remember quite a bit.

When we left the DQ,
I noticed that there was a rainbow around the sun.
We stopped in the middle of the parking lot, pointing and commenting
on this rare sight.
Two girls asked what we were looking at.
They couldn't see the rainbow because they didn't have sunglasses on.
I handed one girl my sunglasses.
She ooed and ahhed, asked if her friend could borrow the glasses,
and she in turn exclaimed how wonderful.
When we got back in the car, Mema said how nice it was to share things,
that people don't normally take the time to look at.
Time is too short she said, not to stop and look up.

I told mom and dad about the rainbow when we got home.
Mema had forgotten all about it,
and was anxious to go outside and look up again at the sight.
She mentioned again how wonderful it was to see,
that most people don't take the time to look around.

I believe that Mema attending the Milton Home Day Care
is one of the best things we could have done for her.
She has friends,
she is so happy with the activities and time she spends there,
even if she doesn't remember enough
to tell me about it that afternoon.
They offer her coffee in the morning, feed her a huge lunch,
and also have snacks in the afternoon.
This she does remember!
It is good for Mom and Dad too, as they have some freedom
in the daytime to accomplish things without worrying
that Mema will fall or get tired tagging along with them.

So, dear family, please disregard my previous post complaining
about the level of care.
I have fully turned around my opinion
and would be very sad if she was not able to attend any longer!

The treasured tip.

When Mema was a young girl all the way through her adult years,
she was a waitress.
I believe she also worked at a drugstore near retirement,
but her preferred career was waitress.
She got a job as a waitress when she was 14 years old.
She worked in small towns,
where shift workers would come to the restaurant quickly,
order and eat and be back at work in a short period of time.

Mema tells of times at different establishments,
different bosses, and favorite times.
She has said that every once in a while,
a customer would get too friendly,
pat her behind or make a fresh comment.
Her response was always to either politely tell them
this behavior was not appreciated,
or, as she likes to tell,
haul off and slug them!

She has always prided herself on being fast and efficient.
She is still quick of foot even at 89 years old!

I remember a story she tells quite often when remembering her work.
One day during a very busy lunch time,
she served a young man who was traveling.
She remembered him as pleasant.
However, she was very busy and did not see him leave.
When she cleared his table,
she found a note from the young man.

"Thank you very much for waiting on my today.
The lunch was very good.
As I am travelling and looking for work,
I cannot  give you the tip that I wish I could give you.
Your service today was worth at least a $50 tip.
Thank you for making such a day seem sunny.
You made me feel welcome and treated me like family"

That was all he left.
He paid the bill and walked away.
She never heard from this young man again,
but has kept this note for all these years.

I have never seen this note,
but one day I hope to find it in her possessions.

I love that what is so important to Mema
is the thought and not the money.
What a classy lady!
Do your best in everything you do and you will be appreciated!

Santa

It has been a few weeks since we ventured out to the mall.
Mema, and Mom and Dad have all had colds.
Actually, I made them separate dinners for the holiday and took it to their house, instead of
them coming to mine.

Mema still sounded a bit stuffy this morning
when I picked her up, and was in a confused, blah mood.
The mall was just what she needed!
There were tons of little kids playing when we arrived.
They all flocked to Mema too, and all had something to say.
They were telling her where they were going to eat,
who was who's brother,
and how they acted up,
who was riding in the mini van with them,
what they had for breakfast...
waffles and cereal seemed to top the list.
And orange juice!
Then, all of the sudden, all the kids left.
Must have been lunch time.
We had already had our coffee and cookie,
so we decided to walk and see Hilary,
who was working at the Walking Company.

Half way down the mall,
and we stopped in to the Walking Company
for a breather.
We decided to go see Santa Claus.
Hil, of course wanted to come!
So, the three of us hiked to the other end of the mall.
Needless to say, we had our exercise!

There was no line to Santa, so we walked right in.
At first Mema put up a fuss,
because she wasn't dressed for a photo.
But when Santa crooked his finger at her,
she went right over,
with the funniest, shocked, flirty expression.
He patted his lap and she sat right down.
Hil and I gathered around,
and the first picture taken, was perfect!
Mema started to get up when Hil and I went to pay for the pic,
and Santa held on to her,
He wanted to know what she wanted for Christmas.
This surprised her, and she didn't have an answer.
He told her, he would bring her lots of surprises!
Not sure how I feel about this Santa.....
kind of icky, maybe...but Mema was all smiles!

As we walked out of the mall,
all Mema could talk about was how  she never imagined
that she would be sitting on Santa's lap at age 88.
Seriously, all the way home,
she had a huge grin and kept giggling at
what adventures we get into!

I think we will all put green sweatshirts on,
Mema in a red sweater and santa hat...
(she would make an awesome Mrs. Claus)
and get our family pic taken with Santa.

Good times!

school

When Mema returned to South Bend
after spending a few months in Florida,
she began attending Milton Adult Center
two days a week.
This is a place where older folks go
who have dementia, or Alzheimer's,
and need a place to be.
The first morning she was to attend,
Mom went to wake her up.
She was laying in bed with her eyes opened.
"Is it time to go to school?"
she asked.
She hopped up, got dressed, put earrings on,
ate breakfast ans was ready to go!

When she arrived, she got a name tag and signed in.
Waving goodbye to Mom, off she went.

A few weeks later,
it was my turn to pick her up.
She goes from 10am-2pm, Monday and Wednesday.
I arrived a little early so I could observe.
I was buzzed through the secure door, and waited in a room
where I could watch the activities in the next room.
The staff was playing that suitcase exchange game
I have forgotten the name of.
Mema was sitting at a middle table with another woman.
The other woman was facing away from the table.
There were about 25 people in the room.

One lady came into the room I sat in,
and observed me for a while.
I believe she had Alzheimer's,
as she kept trying to get out of the door into the lobby.

After a while, all the folks came into my room for story time.
I sat behind Mema, and she introduced me as her daughter in law.
The young volunteer took a while to find the right book to read,
and when she did, she had quite a bit of trouble
with punctuation and vocabulary.
At one point she came and asked me how to pronounce a word.
No one really seemed to be paying much attention,
and some folks were sleeping.
I didn't see the point of reading a story about Christmas
in early September.

Right before they began their chair exercises,
Mema and I decided to leave.
She told me all about the big lunch they had,
that they had played ball outside on the patio,
and about one lady that didn't speak at all.
Mema felt sorry for her, but said it was better
than the lady sitting alone all day.
She seems to think
that she has been coming here for many months.
Or that she is still at Whispering Pines Apts,
where she used to live.
After that afternoon, I was very upset.
The staff seemed disinterested and inexperienced.

However, Mema just adores going to school!
She has the grandest of times,
eats as much as she wants,
and both she and Mom get to spend some time apart,
which is a real bonus for both of them.
We still go to the mall on Thursdays
to watch the children playing.

We are a little unsure about how much we will go to school
when the weather turns bad,
but I will drive in any weather if Mema wants to get out.
She loves being with people!

Over all, I think this is a very good place for her
to spend a few days a week.
Most of the staff is very friendly, that I have seen.
They have activities planned for everyone.
And Mema really doesn't remember most parts of the day.
She just enjoys getting out, and being with people her own age.

I am sad because she is slowly losing  her short term memory
and repeating herself much more.
She is very healthy and feisty most days.
Some days she seems to be under a cloud,
and doesn't talk much.
I  need to try to get to see her more than I do.